Now I Am Me: Meet 3 transgender youth struggling to live authentic lives – KCRA Sacramento

(KCRA)

As children grow and develop, some youth are discovering how to feel comfortable in their own skin their own identity.

Kids who are born one sex, but identify as another are medically diagnosed with gender dysphoria.

"It was kind of empowering because it was kind of like, Oh OK, I have a name for this this feeling that I have, 18-year-old Colin said.

"I still don't really feel comfortable in my body, but I feel like I know, now, why I am uncomfortable," 15-year-old Tyler Reed said.

Children of all ages across Northern California are embracing their true selves and transitioning genders -- with the help of supportive families, community organizations and medication.

While learning their own identity as transgender was a difficult path, their struggles were just beginning.

Across Northern California are transgender children, each with their own story. Those children face powerful milestones, as well as painful challenges and obstacles, as they try live an authentic life.

Sixteen percent of Americans personally know someone who is transgender, according to a 2015 survey by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, GLAAD.

Meaning, the majority of people will be learning terms related to the transgender community through the news.

Here is a list of terms, defined by GLAAD, that you will see throughout KCRAs story on transgender youth:

Tayler

"Just trying to figure out, 'OK, what kind of girl do you want to be?'" Katie, mother of 8-year-old Tayler, said. "And I realized, I was asking the wrong question. It wasn't supposed to be, What kind of girl do you want to be? It was, Are you a girl?"

Tayler is Katies youngest child. The 8-year-old has a passion for superheroes and a strong compassionate side for taking care of stray animals.

(Batman) used to be my favorite because he didn't have no powers or anything. But then I watched Batman vs Superman and Superman was a lot nicer, Tayler said. (Batman) just kept punching (Superman) when he was just trying to talk."

Tayler was assigned female at birth and identifies as male.

"I thought Tayler was a tomboy, so we struggled so many years with clothes," she said. Okay, you want to wear boy clothes, that's fine. And I accepted that and moved on. And then the next thing was, Oh you want to cut your hair? And I accepted that and I moved on. Okay, I have a little girl in boy clothes that wears short hair. You know, it was like baby steps."

His social transition started at 4 years old, but Katie learned of Taylers gender identity when he was 7.

One day I asked Tayler, Do you feel like you are a girl? And Tayler said, No." Katie said. "I had never asked that. It never occurred to me over all the years."

The family then went to a gender therapist, who diagnosed Tayler with gender dysphoria.

"The parent's job is to raise a healthy, happy, well-adjusted kid, Katie said. That's your job. You don't pick who your kid is."

Colin

I guess like I always thought I was like a like a tomboy, because that's what everybody said I was. One instance in particular that really stands out is that I remember hearing the phrase, Being stuck in the wrong body. And it clicked with me.

Colin was in 3rd grade when he first realized his gender identity conflicted with his assigned sex at birth. During his freshman year in high school, a psychiatrist diagnosed Colin with gender dysphoria -- who was designated as female at birth and identifies as male.

"It kind of made me feel like, OK, so I'm not the only one that feels like this," Colin said.

Now 18 years old, Colin lives with his younger sister Shannon and mother Margaret, as he begins to medically transition.

"I never thought I would find myself here that's for sure. It was the furthest thing from my mind," Margaret said. "You just you want your child to be complete. You want your child to live an authentic life."

Tyler Reed

"I want people to know about trans people. I want people to even just use the correct pronouns or be more open -- like if their kid was trans or if one of their coworkers came out or something. I don't want people to discriminate against someone just because they're different."

While Tyler Reed is still a teenager, he has the wisdom and maturity of an adult. As a child, he had to figure out on his own why he felt uncomfortable in his body.

"Pretty much ever since puberty, I've been like, What's going on? Like why is this wrong?" he said. "So, that's why I transitioned."

Tyler Reed, who is the youngest of four children, was assigned female at birth and began socially transitioning to male at 14 years old.

"The only thing that I was kind of familiar with was, you know, gays and lesbians," Tyler Reeds mom Stacey said. "I knew nothing about people that were transgender. I knew nothing. And I'm still learning. That's the thing -- it's an everyday thing."

Research from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention shows that more than 40 percent people in the transgender community have attempted suicide - which is nearly 10 times more than other people in the U.S. population.

Depression and suicide attempts for transgender children occur at an especially high rate -- and are largely dependent on family acceptance, according to the Trans PULSE Project.

"When we are being forced to act in a way, or present in a way, that doesn't fit with our identity that takes a toll, Gender Health Center Executive Director Ben Hudson said. We do see youth suicides among trans folks at very high numbers. Alarmingly high numbers."

The Gender Health Center, a Sacramento-based nonprofit, welcomes all groups for counseling and resources -- but focuses on gender identity.

Dr. Carol Milazzo, a Roseville-based pediatrician, said she recently saw a transgender teenager and her family.

"I could definitely tell that this child was in a desperate place. Very depressed and withdrawn," she recalled. "I could tell that the mother was very much resistant to this."

After Milazzo gave them information about transitioning, the teen's mother said no and they left the office.

"We found out about two months later that this individual committed suicide," Milazzo said. "Those are the stories that really touch my heart and make me even more dedicated to serve the community and to spread the word out there that -- we really need to listen to our children."

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows allowing transgender children to socially and medically transition significantly alleviates the condition of gender dysphoria, drastically improving their mental health to a level at -- or superior -- to people the same age in the general population.

World Professional Association for Transgender Health says its important to note that the first steps in transitioning is social: changing pronouns, name, clothing and physical appearance, like hair.

Medical options become available for families working closely with a gender therapist and doctor. These physicians follow the WPATH standards of care.

With the guidance of a gender therapist and pediatric endocrinologist, children diagnosed with gender dysphoria can pursue medical options to transition after socially transitioning.

Tayler

"I knew. I knew it was going to be a life-changer with family," Katie said. I haven't had anything but love and acceptance from everybody -- from coworkers, from school. The only people I have had trouble with are family."

The 8-year-old has the support of his mother Katie and 11-year-old sister Hannah. But, not all of Taylers family members support his gender identity.

"It wasn't that hard. Like right now, I can't really picture Tayler in a dress or anything like that," Hannah said. "He's a boy. You have to accept that. It makes me upset that they won't accept him."

Katies mother who is Taylers grandmother and stepfather have cut ties with the family of three.

"My family down here used to be very involved in our life. And in the last year, they have completely withdrawn all support," Katie said. "Sad. I got accused of a lot of things -- like I am making my kid be like this."

The breaking point came when Katies mother and other family members called Child Protective Services. A Sacramento County sheriff's deputy even came out to their home to do a welfare check.

Katie's family then took her to court because of Taylers gender identity.

"They actually filed an emergency restraining order to get me restrained from Tayler, Katie said. "Going to court, the whole family, the whole extended family, was there. The only people sitting with me was my dad and my stepmom. They accused me of turning Tayler into a boy. And I was very scared. They were trying to get CPS involved."

Hudson supported Katie and Tayler through the legal process. The judge sided with Katie.

It is not uncommon for nonprofits and transgender advocates to step into disputes, either in court or with schools, to educate and inform others about transgender children and the family about legal anti-discrimination rights.

Milazzo has stepped in to help during situations where schools call CPS on her transgender patients, thinking the child is being abused by socially transitioning.

"Some issues have come up in schools, where teachers have raised questions whether it is proper for a child who is biologically male to be dressed female," Milazzo said. "If necessary, we will go ahead and give some documentation and letters stating that, yes, this individual has this diagnosis."

Tayler, his mother and older sister now live closer to supportive family -- Katies father and stepmom.

"We are going to have family, extended family, that all love and accept us, Katie said. "We are excited."

Colin

They were loaded questions -- like, Why would you not want to be a girl? Are you ashamed of being a girl? I was just like, No, this is just who I am."

For Colin, parental acceptance wasnt immediate. As a teenager, Colin was living with his father and stepmom when he discovered his identity.

"Don't you believe that you were put in that body by God? There's a lot of religious questions also, which makes me really uncomfortable, Colin recalled. "I could not be in that environment."

So, Colin moved in with his accepting mother Margaret and sister Shannon.

"I had a psychiatrist that I was seeing, and I talked with her a lot. She said basically that it would be a smart decision for me to move (with my mom) so that I can be who I want to be, Colin said. "(My mom) calls me Colin and makes sure she says the right pronouns. It's a lot better here."

"It was very frustrating because when he came out to me, I guess as a mom you're just saying, I dont care -- I love you. I know who you are and I just love you, and I'm just going to keep loving you," Margaret said. And you can't understand why another person wouldn't do the same thing. So, it's just very frustrating. But who knows, you know, maybe time will tell and it will happen.

For Colin, his mother was on board with medically transitioning, but his father was not. As a minor, he needed both parents consent.

"I really wanted to do it because, it's like for me, it's like a whole lot harder to pass as male," Colin said.

"You wish that they have that full circle of support. You're having to take a lot of it on yourself -- a lot of the support, a lot of the cheerleading, and a lot of the shoulder to cry on. You're having to do it all, and it would be nice to have a co-parent, Margaret said. I think it's really hard on the child. And then in turn as a parent, you're seeing the child go through this.

"We wanted to take him to San Francisco to at least get a chance to talk to the endocrinologist there -- and nope, Margaret explained. Unfortunately, you do need both parents -- especially when the child is on the ex's medical insurance. That was really frustrating. I remember being in tears when I told Colin, Im sorry, you're going to have to wait."

Colin, who is now 18 years old, is preparing to start hormone replacement therapy, or HRT.

"I was definitely excited, but I was also nervous because this is something I have been looking forward to for so long," he said. And all of a sudden, it's like -- now it's here."

Tyler Reed

There's been a lot of ups and downs. There's been happy times, and there's been sad times."

Tyler Reed began socially transitioning last year. His parents, siblings and extended family are respectful and supportive of his gender identity.

"Most of the family, literally probably I'd say 95 percent of the family, has been very supportive, and they go with it, Tyler Reeds mom Stacey said. "It's just, it's awesome that our family is so open minded."

But, the teenager still faced painful obstacles after discovering his identity.

"This last year with the depression, it's been very, very hard on our family. Very difficult, Stacey said. Tyler's had two suicide attempts. I think it's because they can't be who they want to be. They feel who they are inside, and they want what's inside to come on the outside. And, I just think they can't find their way to do that."

For the 15-year-old, puberty was a traumatic experience.

"It's literally like suffering every day until it becomes numb to the point where like suffering is your constant, Tyler Reed said. Being in a body that isnt how you feel mentally sucks. You could go through eating disorders and you can go through self-harm.

He said his family is "big and curvy." Tyler Reed binds his chest, saying it constricts and makes it hard to breathe.

"I feel like I've always kind of been depressed ever since maybe the 4th or 5th grade -- and you don't know why, he said. "Your body starts changing. Being a boy that has a period -- it's not fun at all."

Tyler Reeds family is open to discussing hormone therapy with a doctor this year.

Once you have a suicide attempt -- I was scared. I was scared for his life," Stacey said. "So for (Tyler Reed), that's how I see (transition) -- to make him healthy. It's to make him healthy mentally."

"To the people who don't accept trans people, I would say, What is the problem with you? They're just a person. They just want to be themselves. I dont understand," Tyler Reed said. "Would you rather have your child kill themselves, or would you rather just use the correct pronouns?

There isnt a transgender handbook. Each person decides on their own terms how to live authentically as themselves. Despite facing adversity, family and community support perseveres.

Dr. Carol Milazzo, a Roseville-based pediatrician, has been treating transgender patients of all ages for more than a decade.

"You have to consider, What is the alternative? When you have a child that is completely depressed, withdrawn, feels very uncomfortable when you are trying to put them in a gender where they don't feel comfortable. And (then) you see them completely blossom, and reach out and make connections with other people, and become a happy child, Milazzo explained. That's the difference. And that's the motivation to really be advocates for these children."

Tayler

"Tayler is such a happy, well-adjusted kid, Katie said. I am so happy that Tayler is mine, and he doesn't have to grow up feeling lost."

Although portions of Taylers family are unsupportive of his gender identity, his mom Katie and 11-year-old sister Hannah make up a healthy household.

"I have to say the hardest thing has not been, Oh now, I have a boy instead of two daughters. I have a son and a daughter. That has been surprisingly easy for me, Katie said. The hardest part has been that Tayler wants all the pictures of when he was a little girl hidden and put away. And that's really hard because that's still my baby -- and I don't want to lose that part, but I understand.

"He shares a lot. He is really nice and caring," Hannah said. "Kids are easier. They are more accepting and stuff."

Colin

"It's a lot better living here because (my mom) totally accepts all of this. And, she wants to help me get through my transition."

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Now I Am Me: Meet 3 transgender youth struggling to live authentic lives - KCRA Sacramento