Jermichael Finley: Fear. Relief. Resolve.

The minutes Jermichael Finley spent on the Lambeau Field turf on Oct. 20, after a collision with Cleveland Browns safety Tashaun Gipson, were a suspended surreality for the Green Bay Packers tight end, his teammates and the NFL community. Finley was taken off the field on a stretcher and spent the night in the ICU of a Green Bay hospital, before being diagnosed with a spinal cord contusion that is expected to heal. A week later, Finley describes in a first-person account for The MMQB what its like to confront the possibility that one play could change your life.

By Jermichael Finley

Is this God punishing me? Is this Karma? This was my initial thought when I was down on the field. I felt as if everything that I had ever done wrong came crashing down at me at that one moment.

It all happened very quickly. I remember seeing the defender out of the corner of my eye, and I intentionally lowered my head and shoulders to protect my knees. After I got hit, in the fourth quarter of our win against the Browns last week, my eyes were wide open. I was very conscious, but I could not move. I looked my teammate Andrew Quarless directly in the eye and whispered, Help me, Q. I cant move; I cant breathe. The scariest moment was seeing the fear in Qs eyes. I knew something was wrong, but his reaction verified it. That really shook me up.

I actually had feeling in my legs, but I couldnt feel much else. On the field, the doctors were going through regular procedures, testing me on sense and touch, and asking me a multitude of questions. But because I was a little panicked, I couldnt breathe, which made it very difficult to answer. I remember one of the doctors telling me to close my legs, and I simply could not. They ended up unscrewing my facemask before lifting me up on the stretcher. When I was exiting the field at Lambeau, I tried to raise my hand to give the fans a thumbs-up, but I got about halfway and couldnt raise my arm any further. I kept asking the neurosurgeon, Will I walk again? His answer was a definitive, Yes, you are moving your legs right now. Then I asked, Will I use my arms again? Will I play football again? To those questions, I simply got, I cannot answer that yet.

Clearly there was a problem, and I was terrified.

The scariest part was the unknown. I was having trouble breathing and speaking. I couldnt move. I was taking all sorts of tests, and no one could give me any answers.

I was taken to the ICU at an area hospital, and the first night there was crazy. Everyone on my floor was facing life or death, while I was there more for 24-hour assistance. I didnt even realize I was in the ICU until the doctor came in and told me, Finley, youre holding up ICU. You have way too many visitors, and even the patients that are on this floor want to come and meet you. We cant have this traffic up here. Its not safe. I wanted to say, Bro, I am strapped to a board. What do you want me to do about it? However, I resisted the urge.

I always joke around with friends, family and teammates, and that continued. As serious as the situation was, we kept trying to laugh. That helped a ton. My wife, Courtney, came by later that night, and we just talked about life. It was a weird dynamic. People with emergencies all around me, but life just goes forward.

The scariest part of the entire scenario was the unknown. I was having trouble breathing and speaking. I couldnt move. I was taking all sorts of tests, and no one could give me any answers. There was some concern initially that I might need an immediate spinal cord surgery. The initial CT scan came back negative Sunday night, which meant no fracture in my neck. That was obviously tremendous news, and a major blessing for my family and me.

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Jermichael Finley: Fear. Relief. Resolve.