Sexual performance anxiety

Performance anxiety: it can strike anywhere, at any time. Photo: iStockphoto

Performance anxiety is one of the main sexual and emotional problems men experience. Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, but it is very difficult to feel sexy or intimate with your partner - and especially with a new partner - when you suffer from sexual performance anxiety.

We are constantly bombarded with society's ideals of male sexuality in the media, think of the Want Longer Lasting Sex? ads which create unrealistic expectations of what a man should look like and how he should perform in the bedroom.

These adverts prey on the insecurities of men who may have no sexual dysfunction at all, especially inexperienced young men. It is no surprise then, that for some men, all these expectations can affect their confidence.

Anxiety and stress create cortisol and adrenalin - definitely not ideal hormones for sexual interactions. High levels of stress and anxiety, which inhibit the blood flow in the penis, can result in erection difficulties, premature ejaculation and inability to ejaculate.

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Performance anxiety can start suddenly, even in stable healthy relationships. Sometimes a single occasion, where a man loses his erection or ejaculates too quickly, can be enough to raise doubt in his mind and can cause anxiety the next time. When he anticipates problems about his performance, it then becomes a self-fulfilling fear.

One of my clients was a happily married man who had never had experienced a loss of his erection, but one day it happened and he was really surprised. Unfortunately his wife made a snide comment and he was so embarrassed and disappointed that he started having erections problems regularly after that one incident.

In our counselling session his wife confided she had no idea that her comment had started such a downward spiral in their bedroom. It's important when an issue like this happens that a partner shows empathy, and both men and women should realise it is normal for most men to experience erectile problems at some time in their lives.

What can be done to overcome sexual performance anxiety? If there are no medical or physical causes consider some of these approaches:

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Sexual performance anxiety