Trans-forming

One year into her medication to change her bodys hormones, a transgender looks back into her journey of realizationand ahead into one of total self-actualization.

May nagbago ba sayo? (Has anything changed with you?)

It has been a year since I started my hormone replacement therapy, or HRT. I feel a lot has changed. My skin has gotten softer and smoother, my pores finer, my hips wider, the list goes on. In the beginning, all I hoped for was to look more polished, more feminine, so I could, so to speak, put my best face forward. But looking back, I think I got more than what I initially asked for.

NOT A BOY, NOT YET A WOMAN

When I told my friends about my transition anniversary, one of them asked me, May nagbago ba sayo? (Has anything changed with you?) And without batting an eyelash, I quickly retorted, Lakas mo naman makabasag trip! Wala ka bang nahalata? (Youre such a downer! Dont you notice anything?)

Hindi physical! I mean after a year, may nagbago ba sayo internally? (I dont mean physicallyI meant, internally!), he replied, nonplussed.

His question left me hanging. My instinctual response was to say that scientifically speaking, I already had more estrogen than testosterone in my body now. But of course, I knew that wasnt the answer he was looking for. Unlike the physical changes, I could not as easily identify what had changed within meyet.

After much thought and introspection, I came to a realization that within that short period of timeone year of pills and billsI had become more whole than I had ever been. Closing the gap between the way I looked and felt brought out a new sense of confidence I never thought I could ever have. Ive never felt more adequate, more myself. And with this newfound epiphany, I have gained the courage to speak, share, and educate people about my way of life, including how I want to be treated.

Needless to say, this wasnt always the case. My gender identity crisis took me to the edge of near self-loathing where I had to finally convince myself to do something about my life.

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Trans-forming