Why instant romantic chemistry isnt what its cracked up to be

For the past two and a half years, I have set people up on blind dates for The Posts weekly dating section Meet Market. As one might imagine, when people find out what I do, the questions come fast but at this point, they typically fall into one of two categories: Everyone wants to know whether A) Ive made any lasting love connections or B) have ever set up any dates that went horribly awry.

My answer to both is: very rarely.

I only need one hand to count the number of setups that have materialized into both parties continuing to date, and I only need the other to count the dating horror stories. A vast majority of the dates I have set up (close to 150) have ended in a weird gray area in which both parties really enjoyed themselves and one another but didnt think a second date was necessary, either because there werent any sparks or they werent instantly drawn to the other person.

On one hand, I totally get it, just like I get why people pay the lottery we dont want to get rich so much as we want to get rich quickly. Its the monetary equivalent of seeing or feeling sparks on a first date.

But much like money, if you dont conserve all that good feeling youve discovered on the first date, sparks can flame out quickly and thats why theyre overrated. Sure, some sparks can turn into fires but most dont, making them not as necessary as we believe them to be when going on a date.

A bad first date doesnt have to be a relationship killer.Photo: Shutterstock

Amicable ends to first dates are way more exciting if we open up our minds to the possibility that there might be more to a person than meets the eye when we first meet him or her. Think about it: If things are going well, the person youre sitting across from is not hard to look at, and time with this person is at least as fun as sitting on your couch watching Netflix (that is, not a bad time at all, but also not the best night ever) why dont they deserve at least one more date?

In short, if youre going on a first date with someone, dont worry about feeling that elusive spark and remember, youre meeting this person for the first time. If, by the end of the date, you feel absolutely nothing, thats OK but at least give the guy or girl a second chance before writing them off.

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Why instant romantic chemistry isnt what its cracked up to be